mike: "i almost grabbed that wire then, but then i thought, what if i electrocute myself and die? so i didn't."
louise: "what if it was back to the future? you'd go back in time."
mike: "yeah, i'd go back in time fourteen minutes."
gav: "you'd have to walk home again."
mike: "what do you mean, again? i've not done it once yet!"
gav: "fourteen minutes ago we were still in the cinema."
louise: "yeah, you'd be in there."
mike: "but i wouldn't be there if i went back, because i'd travel in time, not space! in back to the future he doesn't go back to where he was at the time does he?"
louise: "oh yeah."
gav: "so there'd be two of you?"
mike: "i'd probably go back to the cinema and tackle myself as i come out, knock myself out for grabbing that wire even though that me hadn't done it yet and it was this me that had."
louise: "you'd knock yourself out?"
mike: "probably not intentionally, then i'd still have to walk back when i woke up and i'd grab the wire again."
gav: "so there'd be three of you?"
mike: "no, because when i grab the wire i'd disappear and go back to the past!"
gav: "and go and knock yourself out?"
mike: "yeah, then i wouldn't be able to grab the wire, then i'd disappear because i hadn't been able to knock myself out, then i'd be able to grab the wire again and knock myself out.. i'd make a paradox and destroy the universe."
*louise laughs as GAV shakes his head*
mike: "pretty lucky that i didn't do it eh? that was a close call."
martin, gav and i are walking down the hallway, suddenly i yell and bring my fist upwards, karate-style, stopping a short distance from gav's head. the following is said radidly in monologue as gav listens.
mike: "you see what i did there? i could have taken you out with one blow, because i'm a ninja. i was unleashing the tiger, it's only through my amazing level of control that i managed to avoid serious injury to you there. i don't know what'll happen if i get provoked, because i don't think i can control it much longer. it takes a lot of power you know? when you're a black-belt like i am. it's hard to suppress the ninja skills so i'd watch out because you could have been a goner. i'm telling you, one strike and you're down, that's the way it is. karate. i'm warning you now because it's going to save you one day. it's not that i want to kill you but the beast is always there lying in wait. it's stalking it's prey and i need to keep the power under control, you know?"
*phone rings*
gav: "hello?"
mike: "i'm just saying, i can't control the beast, it's just a fatal blow you know? i can't hold it in, but i'm trying. i don't want to unleash the ninja on you without warning. you'd be dead."
gav: "i have a sense for these things so i'll feel you coming."
mike: "well that's good you know? because if not, dead. once the fury builds it's like a wave of darkness sweeps over everything and i just sink into the shadow and wait for the strike. because the dragon can't be tamed. i've been to ninja academy and got my degree in ninjology. the things i learned there, whoo, you could kill an elephant in 16 seconds flat."
gav: "is that an adult elephant?"
mike: "well, an adult elephant would be a two man job. if you're goiung solo it'd have to be a child. all i'm saying is that even large jungle animals with long gestation periods aren't safe from the ninja."
gav: "was the elephant bred in captivity?"
mike: "well yeah, i mean, that 16 seconds was a test done by trained ninjologists in labratory conditions. they've got everything set up so the situation is perfect. i just wanted you to know."
gav: "ok."
mike: "right, bye."
gav: "bye."
*phone rings again*
gav: "hello?
mike: "because i just want you to know, if there's a ninja strike in the middle of the night, i want you to be prepared. with the lights out you can't escape the ninja. deadly strike."
*click*
later on we're watching tv, and there is a clip of a girl singing.
mike: was that a whole new world?
gav: yeah
mike: they should have had the whole thing. and from the disney film. and just have shown the whole of aladdin.
Print this entry